Words can't describe...

Disgust, I guess, really when I look at the pictures I took of myself this morning for my "before" reference . It's amazing how you can look at yourself every day and not really see yourself. Anybody know what I am talking about? I literally had no idea I had gotten this bad. I knew I wasn't where I wanted to be but damn this is ridiculous. I guess that's not fair because I'm sure there are people who would love to be where I am I guess but I'm sorry not me. Though I have weighed more in the past, I have never felt as nasty as I do now after looking at my pictures. I used to look sooooooo much better! Ugh. Anyway, that's enough of the pity party (sorry) - that is in the past and there is nothing I can do but move on from today and never let this happen to me again. So going to need some help with that.... Today I am just posting my starting stats and some general goals, I don't have a lot of time to spend just now on specifics but I'm sure I'll get into it later. Today my beginning weight was 166 lbs and I know that doesn't sound bad but I don't carry it well. I am 5'5" and my frame is pretty small actually. Plus I hold my weight from my waist down to my knees so it is really bad there. I also didn't realize until I looked at the pictures how fat my back was. Yuck. So my goal weight is 140 because when I was there I was really happy with my looks although I don't think I appreciated it then. I was also 17% body fat then and I don't know if I can get there again because that was probably 5 years ago and I am closing in on 30 now so is there still hope for that? We'll see. I haven't had any kids yet so I have that on my side but I also do want to have them so that will complicate this whole process. But my doctor did actually say I should lose weight before getting pregnant so that's one good reason too. Anyway, I digress... So I have 26 pounds to lose and I was looking at my birthday as the goal date, but that is 54 days away so that's a little aggressive to lose over 3 lbs a week. I am looking for long lasting change, not crazy yo yo and crash dieting so lets say 16 lbs by my birthday (putting me at 150) and then the other 10 by January 13 which is 90 days away. That feels doable. So I haven't planned my meals out yet, partially because of time and partially because I tend to over-plan things and never get started so I wanted to do something different this time and start working, then add pieces of the plan as things start to come together. So for now I am just having a Slim Fast shake for breakfast and a small healthy lunch and dinner with fruit or veggies for a snack if I am hungry. And lots of water. I know that is not the ideal but I will get there, I just need to get started with something. I am also doing Tae Bo workouts every day except Sunday and they have both cardio and resistance training in them so that will cover me for now. Again, over-analysis gets me into trouble so I have to go against my over controlling nature and just wing it for a while to shake me out of my old patterns. It's an idea.... So I have to get going now but here are my starting measurements and my (aaaaaahhhhh) picutures. Sorry to scare anyone out there but I wore my bathing suit to really force me to look at what I have become. I'm not taking it well, obviously...

Bicep: 12"
Chest: 36.5"
Waist (smallest part): 31"
Stomach (largest part): 34.5"
Hips: 41"
Butt: 43.5"
Thigh: 26.5"