Day 16 - Ahhh the soreness

Yes today was all about the soreness. In a good way. I know I did my workout correctly at least. My calves are still sore from 2 days ago and my quads and triceps are sore from yesterday. All I had was HIIT today but it was tough. Plus I found out after I had already done it that I misinterpreted the directions and did twice as much as I was supposed to do! Oops! Well extra cardio is always helpful but boy my legs did not like it. Then I had Jujitsu tonight. So right now I can barely move. I think tomorrow I will be paying for this but it is a rest day so perfect timing. I am so enjoying this MS plan, it was made for me! I can't wait until tomorrow for some fruit, though, I have been extrememly low carb and today was no carb so it is a welcome change!
Just went around to everyone's blog and checked the progress - we as the Shredder Council are kicking some serious fat outta here!! It is so great to be a part of this I am so glad I decided to join up! Thanks all for the encouragement and kind words so far. I will be checking up again tomorrow but will be out of town until Sunday after that so don't be alarmed if I'm not commenting or replying to your comments for a few days. Just giving you all the heads up! I'll catch up when I get back and I'll still be e-mailing my pics to Adam (not quite sure how yet but it WILL get done)! See you all soon! Here's my pics for today, and Suzette, this smile's for you :) It's still little but it will get bigger!

Day 15 - Stats!

Well I already wrote alot this morning as you may have noticed so I am just going to say that today was another great day. The last low carb day of the plan so tomorrow is all protien. The workout was fabulous today but my calves are really sore from yesterday so the leg work was difficult. But in a good way. I love the workouts on this plan!! So I did the weigh and measure thing today for my week 2, so here it is:

Weight: 159.5 (loss of 1.5 lbs this week, 6.5 lbs overall)

Bicep: 11.75" (loss of .25" this week and overall)
Chest: 35.5" (loss of .5" this week, 1" overall)
Waist: 30" (loss of 0 this week, 1" overall)
Stomach: 33" (loss of 0 this week, 1.5" overall)
Hips: 39.5" (loss of .5" this week, 1.5" overall)
Butt: 42.5" (loss of .5" this week, 1" overall)
Thigh: 26" (loss of .25" this week, .5" overall)

Maybe I was a little tight with the tape last week since I didn't lose at all in some areas but I still lost 2 more inches this week, bringing the grand total to 6.75" which corresponds to the pounds lost pretty closely, huh? Interesting...well, until tomorrow, and here's today's pics:
**********
Okay, well, I was editing the pics to post and found out something interesting...I had only been comparing the "fronts" each week and was a little disappointed but I wanted to check the side views and YEAH! I can really see a difference. Then I checked the back and YEAH x2!! also a difference. However, blogger won't let me upload them just now so I'll have to leave you in suspense for a little while until I can beat it into submission :)
**********
Ooooookay here we go:

Integrity

This message took a lot out of me and at the same time really lifted me up writing it so I hope all of you who have been following my blog read it, take it in, and let me know what you think about it. Feel free to agree or disagree, I am interested in how others see or do not see this in their own lives. I know it's a little long, so read when convenient. Please comment!


I was listening to my daily inspiration today (Joyce Meyer) and the subject was integrity. At first I was kind of disappointed because, of all the things I need to work on in my life, I really don't feel like my integrity is an issue. Not to sound high and mighty or anything, but I have learned many lessons about being truthful from when I was young and at some point I just decided that honesty was always the best policy and from then on I have held to that pretty well.
So I almost turned it off but then I figured I would listen anyway because usually there is something good in there even if it isn't what I thought it would be and, of course, there was! (Hello God!) It talked about how integrity isn't just being honest but really more about being honest with yourself and true to what you know is right. I think that a lot of people have trouble with that, including myself. Sure, we all think we are decent, honest, people, but do we realize that how we feel about ourselves is, I believe, directly related to the number of compromises we make every day on what we know we should do versus what we actually choose to do. It certainly is for me.
It got me thinking about some of the other issues I am having in my life and how I have been trying to figure out how I got where I am in my business, finances, and overall self-esteem, and how I am always letting myself down, beating myself up, and letting myself down again for beating myself up, on and on...and BAM! it hit me - I was compromising my integrity by knowing what I should be doing and not doing it, just in little things, things no one but myself even knows about, but doing it EVERY SINGLE DAY. Over and over again. And the little things are so important because you make choices constantly every day and if you continue to make the wrong choices, against what you believe or say to yourself that you are or are not going to do, it slowly erodes your self worth little by little - like sandpaper on your soul. How does erosion happen? One little piece of dirt at a time, and before you know it, your house falls in the ocean. I know that's a little deep for a plain little blog like this, on a Monday morning no less, but I think it really important to say and really hit home for me because of this weight loss journey I have started.
You see, I have been struggling in a lot of other areas of my life besides my weight and it has really killed my confidence. I have alluded to that in other posts but have never really given any details, partly because I think that dwelling on the negative will increase the negative so I try to not talk about it much. The reality is that I was (am) hiding from a lot of those feelings (thus the name of the blog) because I just don't know what to do about them and I have become really frustrated trying to solve my own problems. I decided to let God do the work and just step back for a while and stop the self analysis. But I did know that a big part of my problem was my weight because it really really really REALLY makes me unhappy. I don't care that other people say I look great and I have nothing to worry about, or even roll their eyes like I'm some size 4 stick saying I'm fat just for the attention. I am simply good at covering it up. I wear the right clothes for my body style and wear good makeup and have trendy hair to draw attention to my face. It works. I know how I look in a mirror without clothes on (sorry for the visual) and I know how I used to look and it makes me sick. Not to say that it couldn't be worse because for sure it could be but I spent a lot of my life unhappy about how I looked and then I finally got where I wanted to be and then I lost it all. Talk about letting yourself down and beating yourself up. I specialize in that. I am positive on the outside, upbeat to others, and have an overall positive outlook on life, but I am VERY negative when it comes to my inner thoughts about myself. I wouldn't even want to be near someone who treated me the way I treat myself. Why do we let ourselves get away with that? I have been working on that, but it is something NO ONE knows about me. Not my husband, not my sister, not my best friend. Now I am releasing it into cyberspace! I know some of you have been in the same position mentally and we all have different breaking points. For me it has been brewing all this last year and finally I said enough.
So, anyway, back to the subject which is to say that the first thing I decided to tackle was my weight while I let God work on my other problems. That is how I came back to Adam's blog and then on this crazy train we are calling the "group shred" :) I mean that in the most positive way, I love this, and that's, again, what I am trying to get at. I found that once I finally put my foot down and said "That's enough!", cleaned up my eating, and started working out, my self esteem has really surged (ha ha ha you know like "metabolic surge"...okay, dumb joke). And I didn't really know why I felt so good doing this program other than I remembered that I really do love exercise and lifting weights and it does release positive chemicals in your brain, but more than that, it came down to INTEGRITY.
I am finally doing what I have been telling myself (and, incidentally, what God has been telling me) to do and my integrity has been set right. I think when we continue to know what we should do and what we deep down want to be doing but give ourselves permission to compromise, our integrity slips away little by little and we really begin to dislike ourselves. And being around someone you dislike all day (namely yourself) really steals your joy. I mean, maybe all of you out there have already figured this out but for me it has been a revelation, finally understanding why I was feeling so bad before and so much better now.
Don't get me wrong, I have a LOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGGG way to go, in many areas of my life, but I think these little victories of continuing to eat right, say no to the bad, say yes to the good, exercising, and being accountable for what I have said I am going to do, are beginning the repair of my soul. When I are about to make any decision, I always have two voices (at least!) in my head. I usually call them the angel and the devil (like in cartoons when someone has them pop up on each shoulder, you know?) and they do battle for what I am actually going to do in that situation. Sometimes the angel speaks louder. Usually the devil would, and he would win the argument. Again, I'm not talking big things, just those Do I eat that piece of candy? Do I stop for fast food? Do I really feel like working out? Should I make those phone calls I promised myself I would make but no one knows I was going to so do I really have to? kinds of decisions. I think those are much harder. Big decisions are somewhat more cut and dry (dried? whatever, you know what I mean). There are lots of places in this world to get advice on the bigger questions of life. But who can tell you if you should stop at the fast food place? Only yourself. And if you choose against yourself, your integrity (and self-esteem) goes by the wayside. Someone once said that if you keep letting things slide, they are all sliding somewhere, and eventually you're going to run up against that pile. Well I sure did and let me tell you, digging out of that pile is a lot worse than just doing the right thing to begin with.
So lately, since I have started this journey, the angel has been speaking louder. Or maybe I have just been listening to her more. And I love her. The angel rocks! Because the angel is me. The holy spirit me, the REAL me, the me that has been patiently waiting to get out, voicing her opinion all along, just wanting to be heard and having her volume turned up. And that devil? Well, he's really The Devil, and he'll steal all of our dreams if we let him - one tiny, sandpapering, decision at a time.

Day 14 - I disappeared! (but not really)

Wow I can't believe it has been two weeks already. For once in my life this weight loss plan has seemed to fly by! It is day 14 of my total journey but day 3 of the group shred and I am obviously absent from the front page of Adam's blog. I would like to apologize to all my fans for this ;) I am still with us, though, I just didn't get my pic in time before Adam had to go to sleep and I totally understand. I will be back in full color showing my face tomorrow!
Today was still a low carb day and I did well. I haven't even been counting carbs or calories but I feel like I am fine because I hardly have any carbs and I don't even eat that much so I must be under on calories. Maybe that's not a good policy but until my results don't reflect it, it's working for me and it's much less pressure than counting everything. That is what MS talks about as well so I think I am fine. I even went out to breakfast with my family today and when they were all ordering lots of good breakfast carbs I had an egg white omlette with crab and asparagus with a side of squash. It was great! I had a salad for lunch but I did have the toppings off a slice of pizza later on when everyone was over for football. But I didn't have the crust so although that's not the best nutritionally at least I still stayed low carb and that's the most important thing to me now.
I am on day 4 of MS (so many day numbers to keep track of!) so tomorrow is my last day of low carb and then I go into the single nutrient days. That will be interesting. For my workout I did lactic acid training which was CRAZY but really good. I could hardly lift my arms all day! I'll be feeling that later I am sure. The only thing about it was that I was not happy with the back exercise that I did because my arms fatigued before my back did so I need to do something different next time I do that set of body parts. The HITT for today was interesting as well, only 5 minutes long because it was the first time at sub-maximal level. Very cool way to do cardio and it is so much faster than sweating it out for 45 minutes of tae bo!! Tomorrow is the same except different body parts for the weights so I should be good and sore by Tuesday just in time for Jujitsu :)
One thing I am thinking about that is coming up is a business trip on Thurs - Sat so I am not yet sure how I will be getting in my workout when I am there but I will figure it out because skipping is not an option. I'll just have to get creative! Eating clean will also be harder there because they have really extravagant meals there always with dessert but I have so much momentum now I don't think they will be as much of a temptation as it normally would be. Those days will be low fat days so I will have to make some careful choices because fat hides in restaurant prepared meals a lot more than carbs I think. Well, I'll see to that when I get there. For now, I am taking it one day at a time and it's going well.
Tomorrow is weigh and measure day so I hope I have made more progress!! I certainly feel good about it so I really think it should be impressive. Well, to me at least.

Last but NEVER least, I want to send a shout out to all my fellow group shredders who have been sending me comments and mentioning things in their blogs, etc. It is so great to have this group together encouraging each other when I am so new to this! You all have been really great and it's only the beginning. Really I am thinking that even after the 14 days, it will still just be the start of something really strong between all of us. Wouldn't it be cool for us to all keep going and then we could have these great success stories to share with the world! Thanks all and keep up the great work so far!!!

Here's today's pics even though they didn't make it to the group shred (sorry Adam!)

Day 12/13 - Busy busy busy!

Shooooo! Yesterday was a blur so I didn't get to post anything but I was still shredding! To start at the beginning, it was Day 2 of the RTP group shred and I did fat loss circuit training for my workout in the morning. I had MUCH LESS energy than I did on Day 1 plus I was sore, too, but I still did the workout as I was supposed to. I am still working out a few kinks with how much weight I should use, sometimes I guess too much and sometimes too little, but I'm getting there. I again did running in place with my striking practice for the 40 sec intervals but it was definitely tougher. But I finished the workout in 30 min and was on my way so that was good. Then I was in Baltimore all day. I went to see Joel Osteen. It was excellent - the title of his message was "Don't let negative thoughts steal your dreams". It couldn't have been a better time to hear that!! Plus it was raining all day so travel was worse than usual so it made for a long afternoon. When we finally got home, I had to go right to my sister's house to pick up the nephews for a Halloween party I was taking them to. I took them home so we could all put on our costumes and then went on to the party. That was 2 hrs long and then (still raining) I took them home and met my friends at another Halloween party. We were there for a few hours (got in some line dancing so I had a little extra cardio there!) and then some of them came back to our house to party for a while and ended up being there until about 3am. Thus, no time to blog and I didn't get up unil 11 am today but it is my rest day so that worked out. Good news is, I still ate clean all day and although I was at 2 Halloween parties, I didn't have any chocolate or candy at all! Plus between the party and the after-party at my house, I also did not have any alcohol at all. I was just not interested in that temporary...whatever feeling that you get with alcohol...that would ruin my shred and make me feel guilty. I have done so well these last 12 days it would have really just blown it all out even if I cheated a little. I am not allowing myself any unscheduled cheats. So I just laughed and hung out with everyone who was drinking and had fun anyway. Not that I have ever been that big of a drinker but lately it has just not held any desire for me, especially with making you feel worse the next morning, too. Totally not worth it. So, that's what went on yesterday, it's cool how this plan fits so well into my daily life already.
Today so far has been easy since it is a rest day but I am still on low carb because that goes on for 5 days and it is only day 3. I need to do some better shopping for more convenience foods that are low carb because on the weekend I don't want to have to cook everything usually. I have gotten by for now but I am running out of things to eat that are quicker. Or at least I need to plan better and cook some things ahead of time. I'll figure it out. So I'll leave you with my day 12 pics (day 2 of GS) in which I still see no difference, but at least the scale is different. I'll be back tomorrow with Lactic Acid Training. It's an adventure....

Day 11 - I FEEL GREAT!!

Well Day 1 of MS was great!! I loved the workout and it was so great to get back to lifting weights. I forgot how much I liked it. It was kinda funny, though, because you are supposed to do 40 sec of cardio between each set, right, so since I do all my work at home in my basement all I had for cardio was a jumprope. Well apparently I forgot how to jump rope because I was totally spastic trying to use that thing. Part of the problem honestly was that the ceiling was low but my husband seems to be able to do it all the time fine down there but for some reason I was totally horrible at it. It was comedic if you were watching I'm sure. So I abandoned that idea after about....40 sec and decided to just jog in place while doing my striking practice from Jujitsu. Unfortunately our heavy bag wasn't up or it would have been really good but just doing it in the air was good too and really was good cardio. It was cool because it's not something you could do continuously for 30 or 45 min as regular cardio (at least not me, it would be too hard but also boring) but in 40 sec increments it was PERFECT!! I had a blast. Also funny, though, was that it took me 20 min to set up and 30 min to do the workout. It was the first time so it took a while for me to decide on the amount of weight I was going to use and all so it won't take that long every time but I spent almost as much time setting up as I did working out! Then tonight I taught Jujitsu so I did a little more work since we do abs and pushups hard there too so I got a little extra core and chest/shoulder work that I hadn't planned on. A little sore now, but I'm sure I'll live.
As far as food intake goes today, I think I did pretty well on low carb. Only problem was that I ate out twice today. Don't even know how that really happened because both were unplanned but hopefully I made the best choices I could. I can't really check the carb count but I had eggs for breakfast so I know that was fine, a cobb salad for lunch with grilled chicken so I think that was pretty good, my main concern was the dressing but it was some kind of avocado ranch so it couldn't have been that bad. The main problem was dinner which was chinese food. I got chicken with broccoli but it had a teryaki kind of sauce on it that had a sweeter taste so I'm sure it had some sugar or sugar-like ingredient in it. But with having hardly any all day, I'm sure that that little bid of sauce didn't have over 30 carbs since that's the daily goal. And really the plan says we can have as many as 50 so it definately wasn't that much. I didn't count calories because I wanted to see how I did just with carbs and I think it was pretty good. I had planned on eating 5 meals and I guess I did - 3 meals and 2 snacks but I really wasn't hungry because I have been eating so little lately anyway. I had my protien shake right after my workout and had my supplements and then over the course of the day drank about 3 liters of water which was good but 4 was my goal so I need to work on that.
Now on to the big news...I was mentioned in Adam's video today!! I feel famous. Ha ha ha. Well, all I had to do was sign up for the group shred but still it was funny to hear him say everybody's name in the video. Cool! We are all going to do so well I am excited that there are 20 people all doing the same 14 days. So it all starts tomorrow - be there! My workout will be the same as today except the weights are different muscles but I'm sure it will be a blast! My pics for today are actually going to be the day 1 pics for the group shred because timing wise I don't trust myself getting them cropped and sent in time which is 9am here for me. So they will follow my first 14 days of MS which is cool. So here are today's pics - day 11 overall but Day 1 of Mission 1:

Day 10 - The end of prep phase

Well here I am at the end of what I am now calling my "prep phase" where I broke my food obsession and lost the first few pounds to get me motivated to do more. I am glad to be moving on to something else, however, for several reasons. First of all, I get bored easily, so changing what I eat often will help me stick to a plan. Which is why I am so excited about MS - I get to switch what I am eating every 5 days! Secondly, the calorie deprivation from being on slim fast sucks. In the beginning I was doing well but now I think my metabolism is starting to slow down and that's partially why I felt so crappy last night. Thankfully today I am feeling better and although I had a shake for breakfast, I had a normal lunch and dinner. I still am able to eat a lot less than I was eating before I started all of this so I am thankful for that going into this next challenge. Lastly, I am glad to be moving on simply because I like food and not having anything real until dinner every day would really start to get old in the near future. For now it was okay because I was getting results but I know that before long my body would be eating it's own muscle and that's not what I want. So on to MS where I am very hopeful that I can gain muscle and lose fat at the same time.
So I guess I am going with Adam's verbage and calling this first go-through on the MS plan "Mission One". It will begin tomorrow and end in 46 days on December 9th, the day after my birthday. But really the last 10 days are recovery so I should have the results in by the morning of November 30. That's a pretty good timeline I think! The goal is the same as I stated on an earlier post - to be 150 pounds and I think I will add to that to be down 15" overall from the first measurements. Then I am planning on starting the plan over again, probably the regular version, for the next 46 days after that (Mission 2) to lose the last 10 pounds, putting me at 140, and to fit into my 30" jeans. And one of my dresses that's a size 6. And have tone back to all parts of my body. Will work more on all that later. For now, it's on to Mission One.
Also, Friday is when the group shred begins on Adam's blog so I am excited to be able to take part in that while doing a program where it's reasonable to expect visible results after the first 14 days. Since I have already lost 6 pounds I am ahead on my schedule of goals but I know that it won't be like that all the time. In the next two weeks my goals are:
1) See a visible difference in my photos - actually, have someone else be able to see a visible difference because I can analyze forever and maybe see something but I want someone to see something easily and clearly. Is that too much to ask? Mostly I want the difference to be in the lower body because that is the worst but I'll take a loss anywhere. Maybe even hope for my clothes feeling looser.
2) Lose 4 more pounds, putting my total loss at 10 lbs. in 24 days. With the program sounding as tough as it does, I don't think that's unrealistic. But you hear everywhere that losing more than 2 lbs a week is unhealthy unless you are morbidly obese and I am not that so I won't expect more than that but of course would be happy if it was! I know that if I am putting on muscle I shouldn't be upset if the scale doesn't move as much because I am still losing fat, but the reality is that when I was at 17% bf I was 140 lbs so I am sure that I will need to drop more weight even with muscle. But that's also why my #1 goal is to see a difference because it is more important. I will be happy with losing some weight and if it's not all 4 lbs then I won't be too upset as long as I can see (and feel!) the difference.
3) Lose 4 more inches anywhere on the body. As the pounds go, so should the inches as far as I'm concerned, and since my bf meter is unreliable, I am using measurements to better gauge whether my loss is fat or muscle. Same goes for this as the weight, I'll be happy if it's less but I don't think this is unreasonable.
4) Finish all of the workouts as stated in the Level 1 MS program. I think that I am reasonably in shape but still wanted to start with the lower level just in case I am fooling myself, plus they are still supposed to be challenging and hopefully they don't totally kill me because I'd be really disappointed if I am wiped the first day. I want to be able to do them all but want them to be good enough, you know?

So I think that's everything so far. I guess all that qualifies as a "shred" I'm not really sure but I am definately trying to increase muscle while decreasing fat and that's what I think of as shredding. Hopefully the accountablity of this site and the increased visibility from Adam's site will work together to keep me on the right track and make sure I am working out hard. I did my best work when I had a PT to report back my progress to every week so in a way this is the best thing I can do to keep that kind of mentality going. I need to know someone is watching, though! Please feel free to comment and I'll send you one back!

P.S. Hello to James, my first (as far as I know) visitor. Thanks for the comments and hopefully this won't bore you to death so you'll keep me on my toes. Good luck in your MS work as well!

P.P.S. Here's today's pics!

Ugh!

Okay well I had a pretty good day but for some reason since about 7pm I have felt like crap. My stomach is killing me and I don't know why. I had Kashi waffles for breakfast, a bar for lunch, and then chicken with cheese and salsa for dinner. Nothing unusual but right when I got to Jujitsu I just felt horrible. I didn't do any kind of a workout there because of it and I still don't feel well. Maybe I got some bad chicken or something but this sucks! Anyway, enough whining....I am looking forward to beginning MS on Thur and the Group Shred going on at Adam Waters' page starting Friday. The next few weeks are going to be interesting...and exciting!! I was thinking about eating normally tomorrow to kick off my low carb days starting Thur but with the way I am feeling now I don't know what I am going to feel like eating tomorrow. A shake might be the best thing for me. We'll see. So here's today's pics (just front and back, didn't feel like cropping the others) and I'll catch up with more tomorrow and probably start setting goals for the "other side" of my life here for accountability as well. Stay tuned...

The results are in!

Not going to write too much tonight, it's getting late and I have to get some sleep but here's the update after one week...I was 161 this morning meaning I lost 5 lbs this week!!! New measurements are:

Bicep: 12" (same)
Chest: 36" (loss of .5")
Waist: 30" (loss of 1")
Stomach: 33" (loss of 1.5")
Hips: 40" (loss of 1")
Butt: 43" (loss of .5")
Thigh: 26.25" (loss of .25")

So total that's 4.75 inches!! Don't know how exact my measurements are, but I measured each a couple of times to double check and those are the largest numbers I could get. Even if they are a little off I still feel proud of what I have done so far. Take a look at my pics and judge for yourself - sorry about today's pics being a little wierd, I took them a little later in the morning and the sun was coming in through the blinds, making the shadows different. But hopefully there is a difference you can see. I think there is, but it is subtle. Best of all, however, is that I am feeling pretty good. I am sticking to it well and have not had cravings or cheating. At my meeting tonight they had a chocolate fountain and lots of stuff to dip in it but all I had was 2 plain strawberries and a piece of an apple so that I could have a little something but I didn't have any chocolate or any of the other sweets there! Yeah me! Tonight I had grilled chicken with pasta and marinara and eariler I just had the usual shake and bar so I have gotten pretty used to that. So overall I am feeling better about my weight, now I have to start working on my other problems, but that's for another day. Gotta get to bed now...later!
-JP

I didn't disappear...

I did take a day off, however, and that's why I didn't post yesterday. Today I kind of wimped out on my cardio as well, I only did a 30 min brisk walk but at least I did something and I have still been sticking to my eating plan all weekend which was a hurdle for me. Actually I found out that it was only a hurdle in my mind because in reality it was no different than the rest of the week, I just had to decide ahead of time that I wasn't going to compromise and then it wasn't that hard. I had a shake for breakfast both days, a bar for lunch yesterday and for dinner today, and I had grilled chicken with crab and green beans for dinner yesterday and my leftover pasta primavera for lunch today so only one meal and they were both pretty good. I really haven't been that hungry, either, except at night when I used to really do a lot of snacking so that has been a little hard but if I am really craving something sweet I have a glass of green tea or a diet soda or else just some glasses of water and that works for me.
I did decide what I was doing for the metabolic surge program and have been preparing for it most of the afternoon with study and printing out things, and I'm not starting until the 25th so that I am not hitting any of my upcoming events on bad days within the plan, such as the only carb day. That would be tough. So I worked it out and it will be good that I start then and after the first 46 days (ending the day after my birthday, so it still pretty much coincides with my original goals) I will do another round, possibly of the regular program because I am doing the Level 1 program now which is a step down from the other. I didn't want to set myself up for failure by working too hard too early since I am still somewhat out of shape. So until Thursday I will continue what I have been doing food-wise but I don't think I will do any cardio because it says to rest 4 days before starting the program. And that's also partially why I didn't work out today too because I was anticipating starting this sometime soon, it just happened to work out well as far as the day count goes. So that's the plan...tomorrow is the official weigh in and measure so I am excited to see how that goes and I will have my comparison photos up for the first week then. Until then, here are my (uncropped) pics for yesterday (I didn't take any today).

Riding a Clydesdale!

Well its day 5 and I feel better but I don't think I look any better. I know, I know it hasn't even been a week but I still think I should see something! Anyway, today was good except I didn't really get in the kind of workout I was looking for. I went horseback riding which was fun but not actually cardio so I feel kind of bad that I skipped my workout this morning but I wouldn't have known. It was cool to ride the horse and see Christi and then it rained really hard just when we were finishing up so we got soaking wet which was funny because we looked like drowned rats. So fun but not really what I thought exercise-wise, though my legs are sore from yesterday's workout so I'm sure tomorrow will be worse because the ride will add to that. For food today I had High Protien Special K with milk and strawberries, a Slim Fast bar, and then caesar salad and pasta primavera from Bertuccis for dinner. I only had half the pasta and there was dressing on the caesar but I still had to be under on calories for the day. I know this isn't a very scientific way to go about all of this but it's what I have to do for now. I am just happy that I resisted having the rolls with oil and fried mozzarella that I usually have when I go there. So overall, I am still doing well, Jeff will be sleeping in tomorrow so I should be able to get my workout in before he wakes up and then I don't know what we are getting into tomorrow but I think that I should be able to eat well during the day since we don't have anything social to do. That's the o-so-exciting update. Here's my pics from today...

End to another day

Well I still feel pretty good about today, not sure totally what it is, but I definitely feel like I am making progress now as opposed to yesterday where I felt like I wasn't doing anything. Not like I have been doing anything enough to make a judgement either way but oh, well, that's how the mind works I guess. Just a quick wrap up of the day - I didn't get my other computer back up so I still don't have the comparison pics so I'll just go over the rest of my day. I had my shake for lunch, a fruit and nut bar for snack, and then a grilled chicken salad for dinner. The salad had ranch dressing on the side so that I'm sure was not the best but if it's all I had all day I'm sure that I am still in calorie deficit. I haven't really counted, but the shakes are almost 200 cal and so are the bars, the cereal with milk is about 300 cal, and the snacks I have are about 100 cal so up until dinner I probably had 600 cal total. Even if I had more than that, that salad was not over 1000 cal and I can have up to 1600 cal and still lose weight I know. Really 1200 would be better but I'm not going to split hairs and I need to make sure I have enough energy anyway. So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. In Jujitsu I did actually work out some so I am pretty wiped after all of that today, actually that's probably why I feel pretty good despite being tired is because exercise really does agree with me. I have always liked it, I just don't always do it. I don't know why. Anyway, weird me again I guess. I won't be posting tomorrow morning because I am going to see Christi (yeah!) and we are going horseback riding so I am getting my workout in that way and I am leaving early so I'll update at the end of the day tomorrow but don't worry I'll still take pictures first thing in the morning as usual. There is something really funny about donning your bathing suit at 7am in the middle of October here on the Mid-East Coast. Well at least I have a reason to laugh every morning. Well, I have a very sleepy puppy crawling into my lap as I type this so I better get him up to bed. I did look over the Metabolic Surge plan in more detail and now I feel like a moron asking about the food because it does actually explain that you can eat what you want within the guidelines, the meal plans are just for people who want something specific or don't know where to start. As they say in Tommy Boy "I'm retarded" so I think that I will put some details together on that and start it because it looks really good and I really agree with the science behind it. I guess that's what I get for skimming the first time, huh. In my defense, it isn't like a regular e-book, it's set up more like a website so you have to follow the links to get all the info and I guess I just didn't follow all the links, I just jumped ahead to certain parts. I also didn't realize that certain things were links. It was late, okay?! So, anyway, that won't be until I get through this weekend on my current plan and make sure I do well, then I will probably start that on Monday. That will put me finishing up the first 46 day round (counting recovery days) right around my birthday (hmm lets do the math here...if I start on the 22nd then that's 10 days in Oct, 30 in Nov, and 6 in Dec) so I don't know, maybe I'll hold it off a little longer than that so my birthday and Jeff's are both in the recovery period but where does that make Christmas fall? It's all very technical, you see, so I'll look at the calendar again and make the decision by Monday. I guess you're tired of hearing that by now but what can I say, sometimes I am not very decisive...alright, well, until tomorrow...
-JP

Progress??

So I broke down and weighed myself today because I just needed a little confirmation to see if I was getting anywhere and it said 163 so that puts me down 3 lbs since Monday. Yeah! I know that I can't be too excited about it since I do have water weight to go down and all that but it still makes me feel better. Plus I think my stomach has flattened out a little. I can't be sure because my Day 1 pics are locked on my other computer but I'll get them later today and check it out but today's pics look a little better. Tiny tiny bit but at least that's something. I walked with Jedi for 20 min this morning and then did a 40 min lower body tae bo workout so I felt like I was actually doing something in my workout today unlike yesterday. However, my shoulders are a little sore today so I did do something yesterday, I just didn't feel much of it at the time I guess. I still was kind of low on energy today, though, but I didn't want to eat before my workout because that isn't usually good for me, and I got through it. I also have Jujitsu tonight but I'm not teaching again so it won't be much of a workout for me. Instead of a shake for breakfast today I had Special K with protien, milk, and strawberries just to change it up. I'll have my shake for lunch. The bar I had for lunch yesterday was surprisingly good, almost too much so because it felt like I was eating a candy bar for lunch. Kind of weird and very sweet but I certainly didn't have the regular sweet craving I usually have after lunch so I guess that's one plus to it. Anyway, here's my Day 4 pics and I'll be back tonight with the update and hopefully will have my earlier pics I can compare with. The next challenge coming up also is the weekend - always difficult to stick with things for me when I'm not alone. Workouts fall by the wayside and food is everywhere so I'll have to have some serious concentration on my goals to keep myself motivated and eating right. People don't help either - they think they are doing you a favor by asking you to eat something, like they are making it okay to cheat or something. I don't really know how to explain it, but usually people in the family are more of a hinderance than a help. Plus side, my best friend Christi may be coming up this w/e for a visit and she's really supportive so I may even show her this blog. Scary!! :) But she's always helpful and she'd be the only one I know in real life who I would let see all this. Not until I make some better progress. But I am ready to push through obstacles so preparation ahead of time should help me get through the w/e successfully. I guess you'll know if you don't see me post. But don't worry, I will :)

Day 3 quick recap

Today my computer monitor died for no apparent reason so I am using my laptop for this and it does not have a photo editing program so I will just post today's pics without them being side by side with day 1 if that's okay with "everyone". Ummmm, I did my tae bo workout today but I had very little energy and yet at the same time didn't feel like I was working out hard enough either. Weird...so I guess I didn't have as much energy because of the calorie deficit but I still don't feel like the workout is doing enough so I'll see what the other DVDs have in store for me so I can step it up some. I had a shake for breakfast, a bar for lunch, 3 oz of plain chicken and a pear for snack, and lean hamburger with lowfat cheese, salsa, and olives with baked tostitos for a taco salad type of dinner. I had to have something a little substantial for dinner because I really didn't feel like I had any real food all day. I got full quickly, though, and even though I had a small plate I still didn't eat it all so I am glad about that. I feel hungry now, though, but I am just trying to drink some green tea so maybe it will go away. I haven't weighed myself still and my pics don't look any different but I hope I am making some kind of progress. I really need to make a decision on the metabolic surge thing because I know I would see a difference if I was following that...still have a few days to make that decision, though. Also in the coming few days I will begin discussing all my other problems I am having committing to various parts of my life and maybe start to get everything straightened out all at once. That would be very helpful at this point in my life. For now, though, I am going to spend a little more time with my husband, I only see him on Wednesdays during the week so I'm going to sign off now. Here are my Day 3 pics (still pretty scary):

Wrap up of Day 2

Well I don't feel like I am really making progress. Food-wise I am definately more aware but I want to move faster than this. I am very impatient, I know but I have so many goals. I never did do a real workout today and Jujitsu was practically nothing taxing for me so I have to really get on it tomorrow and I guess break down and decide on a plan because this by the seat of my pants thing is not going to get me where I want to be. Two things I have learned so far though, or at least remembered I guess because I used to be pretty good at this: 1) I am not as hungry if I eat less, i.e. my stomach is shrinking, I fill up faster if I don't constantly stuff myself. It's a great feeling. 2) I always leave something on my plate and stop when I am full. This is an extension of #1 I know but I have a really bad habit of "cleaning my plate" ingrained from when I was a child and I feel really guilty about throwing food away or leaving some left but I am making myself do it so I will become immune to that guilt. Eating it obviously doesn't help anybody either and makes me fat so I am getting over it. So progress is being made on some fronts and mostly on the mental side which for me is the hardest and most important to overcome so in my book that is good. Hopefully I'll hear from Adam soon and decide what I am doing on the "metabolic surge" thing so I can plan that out, possibly also I will just go with the spirit of the MS plan and make my own menu. Hopefully that would be okay and I guess I would find out quickly enough. If I am sticking to the right nutrient groups and calories I don't see why not but I am no expert so I don't want to just assume it would be okay. So bottom line is, I'm sticking to low cal for now until I get an answer on that and make a decision where to go from there. Gotta go, dog's whining about something - see all you fans of my work (that is, the 0 number of people who are reading this) tomorrow :)
-JP

Not enough...

I could definitely be doing more toward this goal, I am just a little confused now about how to go about all this. I was going to just be casual rather than regimented because I didn't want to spend a lot of time planning, but now I feel like it is not worth doing if I am not doing it all out. I want results, after all, and I don't want them to take forever. And if I am just depriving myself of calories and I don't do it carefully, I'll just lose muscle which will make things even harder. I am waiting to hear back from Adam about the metabolic surge plan which has me mystified but he's really busy right now so I am not sure how long it will take him to get back to me. That is already planned out so I wouldn't really have to do anything which is the plus, but on the minus I don't know if I could stick to all of the things it is telling me to eat...but for now I am just lowering my calorie intake and working out daily. I actually only walked for about 15 minutes today so far and didn't get in my tae bo workout so hopefully I can do that later on this afternoon but I have Jujitsu tonight as well so I don't want to wear myself out too much before that although it isn't that much of a workout for me when I am not the main teacher, which I am not tonight. So, more on this later tonight but for now here's my Day 2 pics - no difference that I can see, and I am not weighing myself until it has been a week because that's just a rollercoaster. Also, the body fat tester I have is tough to get right so I didn't do that but I would like to eventually, we'll see. I also have to find it. Anyway, be back later...

A little update

I did well with my eating today I think - I had a Slimfast shake for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and chicken with rice and broccoli for dinner. I did have some cheese on the dinner but I felt pretty good compared to what I have been eating. Oh and I had a half an apple for a snack. I just read through the metabolic surge plan that Adam recommends but I am not sure about all that. The exercises do not scare me, it is the meal plan. What is up with all the spinach? So not sure about doing that...I want the results but I do have a husband to cook for and he will not be going for that crazy schedule plus I don't know if I can find some of the things listed there in backwoods Cecil County where I live. Not exactly a progressive place. Anyway, just wanted to update before a new day starts. My workout was good too but not hard enough so I will be amping that up during the next few days. Oh, yeah and here's my new mantra to get rid of the whiny-ness that grips me so often regarding not only my body, workouts, food, but also working my business, cleaning the house, doing whatever I am supposed to be doing that I am not:
When I am...(tired, hurt, sore, not feeling it, etc - whatever my excuse of the moment is)... I get up. I get moving. I still make the right decisions. I still do the right things. I focus on helping someone else to get my mind off of myself. I make progress somewhere, somehow, every day. This is how I achieve my goals.
Cheezy I guess but it feels powerful when I say it and if I can just remember to keep saying it over and over when I am not feeling powerful I believe I can climb out of this load of crap I have placed myself into.
Til tomorrow! -JP

Words can't describe...

Disgust, I guess, really when I look at the pictures I took of myself this morning for my "before" reference . It's amazing how you can look at yourself every day and not really see yourself. Anybody know what I am talking about? I literally had no idea I had gotten this bad. I knew I wasn't where I wanted to be but damn this is ridiculous. I guess that's not fair because I'm sure there are people who would love to be where I am I guess but I'm sorry not me. Though I have weighed more in the past, I have never felt as nasty as I do now after looking at my pictures. I used to look sooooooo much better! Ugh. Anyway, that's enough of the pity party (sorry) - that is in the past and there is nothing I can do but move on from today and never let this happen to me again. So going to need some help with that.... Today I am just posting my starting stats and some general goals, I don't have a lot of time to spend just now on specifics but I'm sure I'll get into it later. Today my beginning weight was 166 lbs and I know that doesn't sound bad but I don't carry it well. I am 5'5" and my frame is pretty small actually. Plus I hold my weight from my waist down to my knees so it is really bad there. I also didn't realize until I looked at the pictures how fat my back was. Yuck. So my goal weight is 140 because when I was there I was really happy with my looks although I don't think I appreciated it then. I was also 17% body fat then and I don't know if I can get there again because that was probably 5 years ago and I am closing in on 30 now so is there still hope for that? We'll see. I haven't had any kids yet so I have that on my side but I also do want to have them so that will complicate this whole process. But my doctor did actually say I should lose weight before getting pregnant so that's one good reason too. Anyway, I digress... So I have 26 pounds to lose and I was looking at my birthday as the goal date, but that is 54 days away so that's a little aggressive to lose over 3 lbs a week. I am looking for long lasting change, not crazy yo yo and crash dieting so lets say 16 lbs by my birthday (putting me at 150) and then the other 10 by January 13 which is 90 days away. That feels doable. So I haven't planned my meals out yet, partially because of time and partially because I tend to over-plan things and never get started so I wanted to do something different this time and start working, then add pieces of the plan as things start to come together. So for now I am just having a Slim Fast shake for breakfast and a small healthy lunch and dinner with fruit or veggies for a snack if I am hungry. And lots of water. I know that is not the ideal but I will get there, I just need to get started with something. I am also doing Tae Bo workouts every day except Sunday and they have both cardio and resistance training in them so that will cover me for now. Again, over-analysis gets me into trouble so I have to go against my over controlling nature and just wing it for a while to shake me out of my old patterns. It's an idea.... So I have to get going now but here are my starting measurements and my (aaaaaahhhhh) picutures. Sorry to scare anyone out there but I wore my bathing suit to really force me to look at what I have become. I'm not taking it well, obviously...

Bicep: 12"
Chest: 36.5"
Waist (smallest part): 31"
Stomach (largest part): 34.5"
Hips: 41"
Butt: 43.5"
Thigh: 26.5"

Welcome to my world.

So this is gonna be a quick one because I just set this up on a whim and don't have much time right now to write, but I was inspired to start this courtesy of Adam Waters of rtp-blog.com who I have been following on and off for a while now. He challenged people to be accountable to their goals through daily posts so I thought, you know what, let's give it a try. I have tried many other ways to make changes in my life and so far I have not had much success so I am going to give myself to this and hopefully it will give me some accountability that will spur me on to more significant progress than I have seen so far in my life. Not to say that my life is even interesting enough to read about every day and that's kind of what I am hoping for - the illusion of being out there but no one really paying attention, hence the name of this blog - because I don't really have much exciting going on here, but I need to make a lot of changes in my life and I don't really want anyone to know about my failures within my circle of family and friends so here I am letting people who are strangers help me along on this journey. Weird... Anyway, I have many goals to share but for now I am signing off and I'll be back tomorrow!