On the first of the year, I turned my daily calendar over to a quote that I have left up ever since. It says "Make every day count. Make every hour count. Make every minute count. And don't stop until you have exercised your full potential, realizing your impossible dream and fulfilling your total destiny to become the person that you, and only you, are capable of being." So this reminds me that, no matter what comes up, it isn't important enough to give up on, or even put a hold on, my dreams for, because every minute you let go by that is not in pursuit of your destiny is a minute of life exchanged for mediocrity and disappointment down the road.
So no more excuses, no more "treading water". The daily crises, to do lists, and wishy-washsy feelings that drag me away from my true desires are not important enough to exchange my life for. Evey day away from the pursuit of goals is a day wasted. Don't get me wrong, you have to have balance, but that simply means that your goal for the day is to rest or have fun, and you still are reaching your goal. I am talking about days where you get to the end and say "what in the world did I do all day?" I have had WAY too many of those lately, and over the past year really. I have told myself I'm "in a rut" but that's really an excuse for not getting my butt in gear. I don't know what happened and I'm tired or trying to figure it out. What's gone is gone and I have to start NOW making my life into what I want it to be.
I worked yesterday on my affirmations for all of my life goals and I am putting together pictures to represent each of them so I can look at them when I do my daily AVP (which I have not been doing well on, incidentally). I know I'm not always going to be 100% on making the day count but I have to try. Hell, I think I'd be happy with 50% right now because I'm at about -10% lately. I feel like every day I'm digging myself in a bigger hole, with the exception being my eating & fitness. It's the one bright spot that has kept me going, really, so I thank all of you out there supporting me because I probably would have given up a long time ago had it not been for this group and then who knows where I'd be? Unhappy and fat. At least I'm unhappy and thinner :) That's a joke, I'm not really unhappy in the overall sense of the word, I am just unhappy with my progress versus my potential. I know I can do so much more.
Is my life good now? Of course, I have a lot going for me. Could it be better? Exponentially. I really believe that. I know in my heart that life would be out of this world if I just applied myself and got into action on all my goals. I think that is the only way to measure ourselves anyway, by looking at what we COULD be doing, because everyone is different, and if you know that you are doing the best you can and it isn't as much as someone else, so what? You are being the best YOU that you can be, and that's all that matters. But if you know you have more inside you, why not use it, what are you saving it for? Life's too short for regrets and if I were to die tomorrow, I'd have tons of them.
I've always tried to live with no regrets, no questions about what if, because that's a terrible way to live, but I have gotten into this mode of being scared to take even a single step toward what I say I want. But thinking about it, I'd rather try, give it my best, and fail, than never try at all and never know if I could have succeeded. It's like that old "loved and lost" saying except for me it's better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all. Plus you never really fail if you keep trying, and that's where I am now.
I don't consider myself a failure because I have not given up. I have learned a lot. I know what I should NOT do. So I just need to get to work on what I SHOULD do. I have to take one single step. That's all. I can't do it all at once - I can't even look at it all at once becuase it is really daunting, but one little step will get me ever so slightly closer to the goal. One step, one decision, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Don't stop. Keep going. As the quote says on my desktop, "It's not the mountain that we conquer, but ourselves."
Thanks for your patience during my rant. Have a great day everyone!
PS Pushup challenge was tough today becuase I already did my chest exercises but I made it!
PPS One week to go! Here's my pics for today and I finally got my other pics up from the last few days so scroll down to day 91 and later to check them out. Hilarious poses! Monday's pushup video also at end...
